Road Trips, Bees And A Game Of (Living Room) Thrones

“Why are you bathing her in the sink? We have a bath.”

This weekend has contained a number of ‘firsts’ for both CJ and I. For her, she experienced her first road trip (to Swindon for lunch with Helen’s sister Hilary and her fiancée Tim), her first thunder-storm (that have besieged most of the South West this weekend – she slept through it), her first bath (in our sink – water everywhere) and her first hat-trick of craping, weeing and vomiting over someone’s floor (Hilary’s. Not mine. Score!).

I have also had my number of firsts. I have attempted to curry favour with the puppy by mowing the lawn and cutting back some of our numerous bushes. Our garden used to resemble a jungle but now, thanks to some exuberant strimming (much to my joy and Helen’s dismay), it looks much better. Unfortunately this led to my first encounter with dog crap.

As I was just about to start mowing, I saw one of CJ’s deposits right in front of me. Seeing as the last thing I wanted was for it to spray all over me, I decided to pick it up and bin it. Now you ask, considering the initial agreement between myself and Helen, why did I do it? Why didn’t I just get her to do it? Well, it’s a fair point, but she was upstairs doing her dissertation, I was ready to start mowing and part of me thought “Hey, I’m going to have to do this at some point.”However the smell was awful and gagging ensued – I really should have gotten her to do it.

Excited by the newly cleared garden, CJ started to do laps of anticipation in the conservatory…and stepped right on a dead bee.

The resulting yelps and squeals were deafening and she started hopping like she had dropped a hammer on her foot. As this was another first for me (“Injured puppy! What the hell do I do?”) and I didn’t know how serious this was, I started yelling for Helen like a madman. Five minutes later however, CJ seemed fine so I can only assume she was being a drama queen and there was no sting in her paw.

Another first was witnessing CJ vomit up her food (something she has now done three times since Saturday morning…. right on the carpet). She seems to eat, do her business in the garden, then come in and throw up right in front of me as if the whole situation is meant to impress me. It doesn’t.

Still, Helen has continued her ‘rapid clean up’ service with stain and odour remover and within seconds it is all gone. Still, it is something I didn’t need to see and hope she stops. Seeing as the vet reportedly said she is a bit skinny, Helen is feeding her more, but keeping it down seems to be a problem.

However now we get to the main problem of the weekend. CJ has claimed my “living room throne” for herself. I have a beanbag, something I love to sit on to read, watch TV or play on my PS3. CJ though has decided that it is her new place to crash. This has led to me frequently removing her from it, but if I later get up to get a drink within seconds she has usurped it.

I foresee this war is going to go on for a while. Also, she has taken to biting my ankles as well as my fingers. Oh joy.


About Timon Singh

Timon Singh lives in Bristol, England with his girlfriend Helen Harfield. He is a graduate of Liverpool University where he received a degree in Social and Economic History. He is currently a Creative Copywriter and does freelance work for Den of Geek and Inhabitat. An avid film geek, he can often be found on his sofa basking in the power of his home cinema system. He can also be found on Twitter: @timonsingh
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One Response to Road Trips, Bees And A Game Of (Living Room) Thrones

  1. Tim Popple says:

    Loving the pictorial illustrations.

    Also, buy a bigger beanbag. a) you get a bigger beanbag, and b) Helen can’t blame you for having to buy it, since her dog is the reason for this necessitous upgrade…
    Plus you’ll get adorable points for the inevitable beanbags-side-by-side with you in one and CJ in the other, probably both asleep. Win win.

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